Why You Should Always Be You.


So recently I've seen a lot of posts floating about on the blogosphere surrounding self care and why you should never apologise for being who you are. And whilst I completely agree with everything these people are saying, sometimes it's a little easier said than done.

I would describe myself as being incredibly introverted. Whenever I meet people my age I spend about 50% of the time thinking: "Oh my god I'm so annoying, why did I even leave the house, they must think I'm so weird!" and the other 50% trying to give the right answers to the questions they've asked. Even though I haven't been formally diagnosed so I may be wrong, I'd say that I probably suffer from a form of social anxiety because I'm constantly terrified about what people will think.

The weird thing is I don't have this problem at all when I'm chatting to people online. Maybe it's because we have similar interests and we're all in the blogging game but I'm definitely so much more confident in being who I am online than I am in real life. 

If I cast my mind back I cannot remember a time when I haven't been like this. Even at school surrounded by my closest friends I kept a lot of things about myself, to myself. I never told my best friends if I liked a boy and if they asked I'd totally downplay it for fear of being judged: "What? No?! I mean, maybe, I guess he's alright." Pffft yeah right. I'd never allow myself to get to into a conversation about something I loved in case people thought I was 'too' obsessed. And I'd only ever bring up conversations that I already knew I had the same opinions as my peers on. 

Even now - and I do think I'm slowly getting better - none of my school friends know that I have a blog, (I couldn't even bare the judgemental looks) none of my school friends know I'm writing a book (or have been writing since I was little) and I don't have any intention of sharing these things with them. The one exception I have to this rule is my family: my sister and I are very close and she's the only person in this world I can totally be my authentic self around. Because even though I know she'll roll her eyes when I go off on one about a fictional couple (Malec lol) I know she's not making assumptions about me. 

However recently I've started to realise that maybe this isn't healthy. Why should I care so much what a bunch of people think? Surely it's better to be happy in myself, doing what I love to do and if everyone else doesn't like it, then who cares?! As a society we're constantly told to be passionate about something: everyone should have one thing that they're totally into and their love for it is amazing. But then when someone expresses this adoration they're judged and called obsessive and weird. It's this endless cycle that doesn't seem to ever be changing, and in truth I'm not sure it will. It just makes me so angry, who are you to judge me about the way I live my life?!


The thing is whenever I see other people happy in themselves it makes me so happy! But it also makes me jealous because I want to be like that, but I have no idea how to even start. Like sometimes it feels as though the world might end if I voice an opinion that's different to my peers. 

HOWEVER I've made the decision that when I go to uni in September I'm going to be totally unapologetic for who I am. Which gives me approximately five months to become the best version of myself and hopefully increase my confidence levels with it. 

My blog is such a big part of who I am now - I spend an incredible amount of my free time working on it - and I wouldn't want it any other way. So in turn I don't want it to be something I have to hide. In a way I think it'll be easier than telling my school friends because at the end of the day right now, I don't know these people and they don't know me. They have no preconceived ideas so from day 1 I want it clearly known that blogging is something I love to do and don't intend to stop any time soon. 

No one should have to apologise for who they are. We are all unique and each of us are beautiful in our own ways. Confidence is something that some people have naturally and others have to work a little harder for, but we're all going to get there in the end!



  1. I know we always joke that may just be secretly twins and we are basically the same person in A LOT of things, but this is honestly like music to my ears. I'm no just saying this, but I have had serious (well I don't want to call it social anxiety but) problems with what people think of me, even with people I would kind of call friends when I was in school, even if I said something stupid I would be thinking 'omg Lisa why did you say that?' - With blogging, im even scared my blog will grow even slightly, even to the point were if ive tagged a brand in a post and they retweet it, someone I know will see that and find my blog - does that makes sense? I don't even know were this has spirled from, but ive FOREVER been a shy person, im a lot lot better but oh god, don't get me started on talking to boys, now *that* is a form of social anxiety, I remember being im a massive group of friends in school and this boys was just like 'hi you ok?' (Because id had a chat with him drunk at a house party haha) and i was sweating and stuttering and thinking that he thinks im weird, and I just wanted to go home haha. Basically, I completely and utterly can relate to this because im exactly the same, online yes I can be chatty (especially with you!!) but with new people in person I find it so difficult to be awkward and myself with this contant fear of being judged.. ok sorry this is kind of one big sentence and makes next to no sense but just now you aren't alone with the feeling of being judged, its horrible xxxx

    1. Oh my god the brand thing hahaha I literally have had those thoughts so many times! The idea of my friends finding my blog or even putting it on my personal twitter / Facebook... NO.
      And I totally agree with you when it comes to sounding stupid in front of people. I've definitely been in the situation (or at least seen others in it) when I'd say something and then all I'd get would be judgemental looks or someone going 'okaaaayyyy' and it just makes you feel the worst!
      I'm so glad I'm not the only one with these fears haha xxxx

  2. I can really relate to what you were saying about having social anxiety, and I agree that it's a bit hypocritical how we're always told to be ourselves but then when we are, people can call you weird etc.

    I think it's great that you want to be a better version of yourself for uni, but I'd say don't wait! Just go for it and start making changes right now, that way by the time you get to uni you'll already feel so much more comfortable with yourself and yourself in social situations :)

    Just take that advice with a grain of salt though, do whatever works for you!


    1. I know what you mean but the thing is, right now all my friends are at uni so I hardly see them anyway. I'd tell my work colleagues except they're all like 30+ and probably don't really understand blogging!! My family all know and right now that's enough I think :) xx

  3. I love how open and honest you are with your readers, Lily! Your blog is a true joy to read <3

    Edye | Http://gracefulcoffee.wordpress.com

    1. Aww thank you so much, that truly means a lot to me!! I always try to be as honest as possible on my little corner of the Internet! <3 xxx


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